I feel like I have been away for ages, truth is, in blogging terms I have. I have not been particularly motivated to write anything for my own blog. We have been fairly busy, I have been writing a few other blogs for other people, and it has all felt a bit much to try and keep up with any kind of regularity to my blog. I don’t want to stop writing, and I definitely don’t want this to fizzle away into nothingness. I enjoy writing, but want to write because I have something meaningful to write about, something that has impacted me.
Some part of me feels a little guilty for not writing anything for a while, life has swallowed me up, and I haven’t been very disciplined.
I think somewhere along the line, I have just wanted to live what I am doing, and not write every detail about it. There is routine to my life with school runs, and toddler groups, church life, meetings and so on. Most evenings if I am free, I want to sit down and enjoy the company of J. I really don’t want to update my facebook page or tweet anything.
I have lost the initial excitement that I had when I started my blog over a year ago. I am not self hosted, and therefore I’m limited to what I can do. I mentioned discipline above. This is something I know I need to work on. I consider myself fairly organised and like to plan, but I do need to get my motivation back.
Just recently at church there has been a lot of talk about what our ‘calling’ is? It’s made me think and question if I know what mine really is. Did I ever know? What are my passions, what do I enjoy. Have I just become caught up in the humdrum of life… I don’t want to be. Some things have been bugging me a
little lot recently. Irritations, things that I need to change. I asked God to remind me what my calling was. What does he want me to be doing. I prayed that he would lay this on my heart, and reawaken my dreams, whatever they are.
I felt god talk to me about setting my feet on solid ground, which led me to Psalm 40.
I waited patiently for the Lord, he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth…